I decided to write a blog entry about myself. About who I am and why I even started writing this blog in the first place. Growing up I was told I was stupid. Teachers would use my spelling tests, English papers, and other homework as examples of “what not to do”. I was ridiculed for everything. I wasn’t smart. I was unattractive. I was weird. And different. I was always sad and I preferred to be alone. I didn’t have many friends, not saying I didn’t have friend because of course I had friends but none that I remain friends with to this day. My name is Samiha Elvira Shamseddine and man was that a fun one to make jokes about. My least favorite being samihahahahahahaha.
I taught myself how to read in the 6th grade when I discovered comic books. I had a learning disorder (that’s what I was told) all the way through highschool until I dropped out from being held back so many times when I was 16 years old. This wasn’t because I didn’t try. I tried my hardest. But eventually I would give up and doodle a picture then write about my summer vacation. My parents lost hope, I lost hope and I was given up on.
Looking back it hurts a little to know that my parent gave up on me. It hurts that I gave up on myself.
I let the people who surrounded me control my thoughts and in turn everything was negative.
I hid behind videogames and art and comicbooks which really didn’t help my cause.
And one day, out of nowhere, I can’t really remember the day or days that blended in when I was in college (after getting my GED) I wasn’t so ugly, or weird, or stupid to the people around me.
But of course college was school and school never really worked for me and so that really didn’t end so well.
Being 27 years old and now discovering more about myself now is really cool. I wish I could have discovered these interesting quirks and abilities. These talents I possessed that the people who taunted me couldn’t even dream of possessing.
And I wish I knew that one day I would blossom. Not only into an attractive young lady but one who is so passionate about things most attractive young ladies find stupid or hard.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE that I am still that same little girl who insisted on getting every console the day of release and would dedicate a lot of time and energy. Who still visits the comic book shop regularly enough to where the people who work there know my name and what I like.
I am so glad I was who I was when I was younger because maybe my life would be different. Maybe I wouldn’t get excited over the Titanfall beta or even know what Titanfall is. Or put over 200 hours into animal-crossing for the 3ds.
I don’t know. Does anyone really know?
Anyway this is me. This is who is writing these entry’s.
A girl who was outcasted her whole life.
Not anymore though. Now I’m “cool”
Only because being a nerd is hip. It wasn’t always hip.
That’s why I started this blog. Because I know I’m not the only one who had to hide behind the things they loved. And I don’t want to hide behind them anymore. I want the world to know that I don’t care what they think of me!
Work is calling me. I hate working. I would write everyday if I could.